Chapter Thirty Three: My Void Inside

1776
Amron opened the door to his home to Hayden, Amya, and Amros. Each of them now resembled twenty year old humans.
Amron
Come in, come now.
They walked in.
Amron
Sit, sit, I’ll get the drinks.
They sat while Amron went to get drinks.
Amros
Well, this should not take too long.
Hayden
No worries, it will only take a few moments.
Amya
Good. I have a meeting with Adams and Thomas soon.
Amros
Jefferson?
Amya
Yes, the only one we know.
She smiled.
Amya
They are two very interesting human minds.
Hayden
They’re fine choices to lead this nation.
Amros
Lots of promise.
Amya 
Indeed.
Hayden put one leg over the other.
Hayden
I would like to arrange a meeting with Mr. Franklin soon.
Amya
I’m sure that can be done. The celebration has begun today, if we can manage to get Amron out of the house we could really celebrate.
Amron walked into the room.
Amron
Celebrate what?
Amya
American Independence.
Amron
American Independence is none of our concern.
Amya
It is when we’re living here.
Amron
Here, there, it doesn’t matter. It’s all the same. A continued cycle I grow bored of.
Amron poured them all a drink and sat in his chair.
Amros
Lighten up, brother.
Amron moved his hair around with his right hand.
Amron
Lighten up? I won’t pretend like I care about what is going on out there. They can celebrate as they see fit but I won’t be a part of it.
He looked towards the window.
Amron
Go, go outside with those humans and pretend you’re one of them. Celebrate like you have won your independence when you’ve had it all along. Go right on ahead my brother, my sister, be my guests, but don’t expect me to play into the game.
He stood up.
Amron
If you want to be like them, then do so. If not, you are welcome to stay.
Amya
Are you implying that we must go if we choose to celebrate?
Amron
You know where the door is.
He poured himself another drink.
Amron
Mother would not be pleased by this.
Amya
Well I’ll be damned!
She stood up.
Amya
You have no idea what mom would think! You know we’re hurting as well. Just because we choose to hold it inside instead of acting like the living dead, does not mean we aren’t hurting!
She dropped the glass on the floor and it broke.
Amya
Just because mother loved you most does not mean she didn’t love us. Stop acting like you were an only child and we are your inferiors.
Hayden
Calm down, Amya.
Amya
I will not!
Her hand turned into a fist.
Amya
For almost a hundred years we’ve been hurting. You both know this.
She turned and looked at Amros.
Amya
And for all those years he’s been acting like he is the only one entitled to any feelings.
Amron
I feel entitled. I know what momma wanted.
Amya
Shut it brother, you don’t know anything. It is us that are orphans, Amron, not simply you.
Amron
I do know. Just because it is out of your scope of knowledge do not act like you must be correct. You didn’t know mother like I did, none of you did.
He swung his head at the others.
Amros
Can you two be civilized?
Amron sat down in his chair.
Amya
Typical. Nothing new, everything old. You swear like it is life that is a cycle and that is a bore, yet I doubt you’ve considered that maybe it is you, brother.
She walked to the door.
Amya
My allegiances are to the humans and their government. If that means you’d cease calling me sister, so be it. It's not like you ever cared anyway.
A tear fell from her eye but she turned away so they wouldn’t see.
Amya
I’m leaving now. Goodbye, Ron.
Amron
Goodbye, sister.

1789
They sat in Amron’s house again.
Amros
How have you been, brother?
Amron
I’ve been well. And yourself?
Amros
Well enough. I have never been one to complain.
Hayden
It would be nice to see you more often, Amron.
Amron
There is no need for that. One visit every so often is well enough.
Hayden
If you must be so negative.
Amron
I must. 
He looked towards the window. 
Amron
I hear they’re celebrating tonight. They celebrate every little thing.
Hayden
A new nation is hardly a little thing.
Amros
Washington is now President.
Amron
I’m sure that is because of Amya. Always has her hands in things, that one.
Amros
Yes. She has a way of swaying human minds.
Amron
Irrelevant.
Amros
She misses you, Amron.
Amron
I care not.
Hayden
A little compassion, Amron?
Amron
Spare me. I care not for the human lover.
Amros
You’ll come around, sometime.
Amron
Will I?
He drank from the cup in his hand.
Amron
I doubt it. Though we are blood, I simply will not allow myself to get tangled in that mess. I can’t fathom her love for those humans and her attempt to feel important in their ranks. Worst of all, she is drunken by emotion.
Amros
Drunken by emotion? Have you not bitten your tongue? I am confused as to why you are not bleeding from the mouth.
Hayden
Amros, play nice.
Amron
No, let him speak.
Amros
Don’t act like you’re oblivious to the meaning behind my sentence. Hayden trained us for fifty years. Figuring you out was not as complicated as you lead yourself to believe. It is hypocritical to claim she is drunk with emotion when that is what your very foundation thrives off of.
Amron set his hands on his lap.
Amron
Do continue, I’m amused.
He smiled.
Amros
It’s just unfair brother.
Amron
Unfair? What do you know about fair and unfair? One hundred years and you both still are incapable of understanding that what you feel is nothing in comparison to how I feel.
Amros stood up.
Amros
How can you say that? I can’t see how you can make this into a contest!
Amron stood up while Hayden sat silently.
Amron
It isn’t a contest you fool. If it was, you lost a long time ago. Way before they hung her on the gallows.
Amros
You’re so naive.
Amron
Am I?
He yelled.
Amron
She loved you yes, but that’s as far as the leaf will go in the wind. It was different between us. It wasn’t only mother and son.
Amros
What was it, Amron? What was it we didn’t have you had?
Amron
Her heart!
He fell back into his chair and began to weep.
Amron
Her heart Amros, it was all I had and ever wanted. But you would not and can’t understand it. You don’t know what it’s like to give all of who you are to someone and have them do it in return. Momma wasn’t only my mother, she was who I am.
He wiped his tears.
Amron
Do you know, Amros? Pray tell, do you know what it’s like to feel half empty? Yes you are aware of the pain of loss but I am quite positive you’ve never lost yourself. That’s what I deal with everyday and ever moment of my life. This emptiness that I can’t run away from.
Amros
You can fill in that hole, Ron. Let us in.
Amron
No!
He got up and threw the chair over.
Amron
Don’t delude yourself! Don’t flatter yourself into thinking you can fill the hole she left in me!
He grabbed at the shirt he was wearing around the chest.
Amron
This emptiness may destroy me someday, and it may make me do things I never thought possible...but it’s all I have.
Amros fought back his tears.
Amron
My void inside is all I have left of her to remember she was once here.
Amros
I still can’t believe you.
Amron looked up at his brother.
Amros
Even now, even after all we’ve been through this is still only about you. It always has been and it always will be.
Amron
It’s about her!
Amros
Fool! Say it enough and you might even make yourself believe it.
Hayden
I think I’ve heard enough.
Amron
Get out of here! You’re pathetic Amros! Your disguise is being seen through. You’re not the almighty powerful all knowing being you believe yourself to be. You’re no different from the humans you associate with.
Amros
Don’t do this.
Amron
You’ve done it already.
Amros
Hayden, we can leave now.
Hayden
Is this it sons? Is this what you truly want?
Amros
It’s what he wants.
Amron
It’s what needs to be done.
Amros
Goodbye, Ron.
Amron
Goodbye, brother.
Amros stormed out of the house. Amron sat in his chair covering his face with his hands.
Hayden
Are you okay?
Amron
No. I don’t think I know what it’s like to be okay anymore, Hayden.
Hayden
Amron, you’re doing this all wrong. You’re too strong to be falling under your own emotions.
Amron
I don’t care. I’m lost Hayden, and I don’t think I’ll ever be found. Even so, I’d rather just fall in this darkness and never return again.
Hayden
You’ll get through this. Till then, I must go.
Amron
Goodbye Hayden, my only friend.
Hayden
We all love you Amron; don’t let the anger deceive you from thinking otherwise. 
He opened the door.
Hayden
Perhaps one day you'll learn to love the living as you do the dead. They require it more than the other.
He shut the door and was gone. After this, Amron continued to live his life confined in his own home.

1850
Amron fell to the floor.
Amron
I can’t do this. I won’t do this anymore.
He stood up and walked into the kitchen tumbling things over.
Amron
Momma, I still hurt.
He grabbed the knife off the counter and stuck it into his chest.
Amron
I’ll be home soon.
He fell onto the floor. He laid there for an hour before he woke.
Amron
What are you?
Standing above him was a pure black figure the shape of a human body at the age of five without any outline except a mouth. The figure screamed in a low voice.
Amron
You’re me?
The figure nodded its head.
Amron
I don’t understand.
It screamed loud this time.
Amron
You are evil that is leaving me?
It nodded once again. Amron walked forward.
Amron
You won't be going anywhere.
He stuck his hand into the black figures chest.
Amron
Now know who I truly am. You came from inside of my body, now you will be one with me again.
The figure began to shake rapidly.
Amron
You’re only the darkness in me because that is all I am.
The black figure screamed.
Amron
Good. Now, with you, I can begin my work.
He walked to the doorway.
Amron
Let us go, Orthak.
Orthak screamed.