Arkain pulled a black bag off his head.
Arkain
What’s going on? Where am I?
Seated on a chair, he looked around the all white room he found himself in.
Arkain
This doesn’t make any sense.
He mumbled to himself.
Fallen
It’s not supposed to.
Fallen came out from under his chair.
Arkain
What are you doing under my chair, and where are we? You’re a fox!
Fallen
I’m under your chair because I feel like it. I’m a fox? Now that I didn’t know. Thank you for breaking the news to me gently.
He got out from under the chair and shook his fur.
Fallen
We are in the white hall chamber of the White Coats.
Arkain
The White Coats?
Fallen
Yeah, White Coats, so let me explain. The White Coats is an organization that basically keeps things in check, kind of like the government. Ever since the beginning, we were watching over the humans in silent as the darkness crept around behind the curtains. Until now, of course.
Arkain
What happened?
Fallen
Well you see, a long time ago, The White Coats and The Shadow Regime.
Arkain
Shadow Regime?
Fallen
You can call them the bad guys. Well, they made a treaty. The Shadows would stay out of sight unless blood was spilled by a good warrior with some form of energy. If that were to happen, the shadow of darkness was free to wage war with the world. And due to recent events, we believe they will begin soon.
Arkain
That sounds like a comic book story.
Fallen
A comic book story, you say? Well, Arkain, in these comic books you’ve read, can you die?
Arkain
Well no, I mean, it’s a comic book. I’m only the reader.
Fallen
So now you’re the character, and you can die. A more hands on read. Sound reasonable?
Arkain
Wait, so who broke the agreement?
Fallen
You take to these things fast. Her name is Gemma.
Arkain
That can’t be true!
He stood up.
Fallen
I’m afraid it is. Being that she is of innocence, she is considered one of ours by treaty rule. She was under our jurisdiction and we failed. You just can't win them all, they say.
Arkain
Fallen, this can’t be true. Gemma is just a young girl. I’m sure the police can take care of this if she did do something wrong.
Fallen
Police? What could they possibly do, young one? They can’t protect you now. You're long passed the world of humans.
Arkain
Protect me? From what? What did I do?
Fallen
You were just following the story, you know, of life. Alright, your meeting is ready.
Arkain
Meeting?
Fallen
Yes, it’s a bit of an initiation. Sorry, we ran out of gift baskets.
Arkain
This is balls. Well, who am I speaking to?
Fallen
The White Coat leaders.
Arkain
And that would be?
Fallen
The leaders are, Amros Anselia, who you have met, and Hayden Olymny.
Arkain
Cool names. But hey, wait, where is Gemma?
Fallen
She is busy.
Arkain
Busy? I want to talk to her.
Fallen
After the meeting. Now sit.
Arkain sat down and Fallen once again got under the seat. Amros came out of the wall directly in front of Arkain. His hair long and blond, and his eyes blue.
Amros
Arkain, hello young one. So good to see you again.
A chair appeared behind him and he sat down.
Amros
This will be fast, my boy, so do not worry about it. You'll be with the others in no time. You must be exhausted, well, with this being so new to you.
Hayden appeared from the wall. He has long black hair and is perfection in all the eyes of women. He approached Arkain and shook hands.
Hayden
It is an honor, Mr. West.
Amros
Let us sit.
They sat in front of Arkain.
Amros
Mr. West-
Arkain
Arkain, you can call me Arkain. I prefer it, actually.
He looked around to the others.
Amros
Arkain.
He nodded his head.
Amros
Arkain, you have come to us.
Arkain was confused.
Amros
As a gift from the Gods, as Fallen proclaims, or merely because it is the way it should be?
Arkain stared at Amros’ hands as he spoke.
Fallen
I believe it is because of Gods who watch upon us. Too long they have watched as this world suffers, and now that the Shadow Regime has the right to unleash their fury, they have brought you to us. Finally, on this day, as predicted, you have come to us.
Amros
Either way, it has happened.
Arkain
Are you both serious?
They both looked at him again.
Amros
Excuse me, child?
Arkain
Well, I mean, I’m standing right here, and instead of actually talking to me, you two are going on about some Gods and their plan, as if that is what is going to bring you happiness, as if they are mapping out every move of our future.
Hayden
Do you not believe in God, Arkain?
Arkain
No, I actually don't. I don't know if there is or isn't a God, though. What does that matter though? I'm only focused on our choices and our actions as of right now.
Amros
Choice and actions?
Arkain
Yes, I think that is what keeps this world in motion. We have the ability to make a choice and act on it, which is what shapes our world, billions of people doing just that. If there is a God, and he is watching us, I don’t know if it is him intervening in anything.
Amros
The boy is intelligent. So then young one, are you with us?
Arkain
Well, I don’t see any other way, I’ve made my choice, and this is me acting on it. I’ve led such a boring and insignificant life, and now, I want to do something to make it important. Fallen said there's a war coming, and it's Gemma's fault. Well, I'll fight that battle. I'll right her wrong. I'm in.
They all just sat there and talked and talked and talked as Arkain lost himself in the conversation.
Hayden
Arkain, hello?
Arkain
Oh yes, I’m sorry.
Hayden
You are now a working member of the White Coats.
Amros
You will report to us when you are needed. You may leave now to meet with the others.
And they both just disappeared through the wall.
Fallen
Well, let’s go.
Arkain
Right.
Fallen got up and walked through the wall.
Arkain
Umm?
Arkain hesitated. He stuck his head back in.
Fallen
Are you coming?
At Arkain’s old home, Velis walked up the steps of the porch.
Velis
Hello, Mr. West, are you home?
Velis knocked on the West household’s door.
Velis
My name is Taylor Swanson. I wanted to speak with you about your wife and son.
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introduced to the White Coats
ReplyDeletehaha really good...
i like what Arkain said about
Choice and Actions
TRUE haha
love it<33
this one didn't really grab my attention too much
ReplyDeleteHonesty <3
this is when i really loved arkain's character. he doesn't exactly believe in god. but he believes everyone's choices and actions make the whole world how it is.
ReplyDeletevelis... ahh i remember what she's going to be up to.
tsk tsk. xP
I like wta Arkain said about choices and actions
ReplyDeletearkain seems to be taking this whole thing pretty well. seems kinda too well if you ask me. i mean hes talking to a fucking fox and all he says is What are you doing under my chair? maybe play up the fact that he thinks hes going insane idk.
ReplyDeletearkain is obviously intelligent, but why hasnt he figured out that gemma killed his mom. i would have been pretty concerned for my mom if i was him. and i dont think anyone would have fallen asleep in his situation.
Awesome chapter!
ReplyDeletecant wait to read more!
Dang this is getting more interesting every chapter cant wait to read more of this. :)
ReplyDeleteI like how Arkain isnt afraid to speak out about stuff. He seems like he might be my favorite character so far. Im still really interested to see who Gemma is and how shes playing a role in the story..
ReplyDeleteI like how Arkain reasons all of these happenings, and decides to go with it since life has been boring. Though that is a simple motive, I find it totally believable. Also when Fallen goes through the wall, and then asks Arkain if he's coming... is so funny! I can totally picture Arkain's face, completely confused :)
ReplyDeletei was kind of lost at some parts but i guess its an important plot to the story. i still can't get over how cool this is
ReplyDeleteI love how Arkain is telling these mysterious men of wisdom and magic that he's not that sure if he believes in God......IRONY!! Well, do you believe in talking Foxes or disappearing chairs> or walking through walls?? LOL!
ReplyDeleteAnd UGH!! That Velis bitch is about to do some damage!! I don't quite get if she's supposed to be good or bad......If she's good why is she going to hurt Arkain's family??
And who did gemma kill? A poster mentioned it was Arkain's mother......but was it not Jake from the prologue?
she didnt necessarily kill anyone. its not really disclosed. everyone at the school is just gone. theres the hint that she might have killed the mother or jake, or possibly anyone at the school. what i dont get is that is gemma considered part of the white coats from the beginning? or is it just because she has magic?
ReplyDeleteI really like that you've included a talking fox in your story :) Animals always make things even better! I love how this whole chapter is surrounded in mystery. Amros is extremely vague about what exactly is going on, and this keeps me guessing and wanting to know more about the whole history of the white coats and the shadow regime...both of which are perfect names for the good/evil of this story. Now i'm wondering what this Velis character is up to. Still reading like a poem...or maybe a scene from a movie. It's truly wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI like how you can tell that Arkain is very smart and he feels that in his life he was nothing special but was destined for more and is ready to jump into this blind...that shows bravery...awesome!!
ReplyDelete"I’m under your chair because I feel like it. I’m a fox? Now that I didn’t know, thank you for breaking the news on me gently."
ReplyDeletei cracked up when i saw that
So it seems to me like these white coats are going to turn out to be the evil group.. i mean White coats?
ReplyDeleteand the fox scene.. WTF?
maybe introduce arkains age and maybe when u get the illustration done. you might want arkain wear regular clothes and once hes been inducted into the white coats he receives a new outfit to symbolize the new change to his life.
ReplyDelete:o!
ReplyDeletetis getting very good
I love Arkain's "choice and actions" speech.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love that you throw in philosophy! This is amazing.
I liked the choice and actions speech as well.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter is slow only cause it's telling the reader what's going on dumb fucks.
Go rent a Porno if u want action within the first 10 seconds.
i like the way that Amros and Hayden entered and exited (= very mysterious!
ReplyDeletegood explination of Arkain's choice and action theory
I like it that you threw in the philosophy and I loved the ending. It is the first move that ties Velis to the other characters
ReplyDeletei liked how it was going but then u lost me because i was waiting for arkain's reactions to be like "wtf is going on....and who are u ppl...and this has got to be a dream....for fuck sake there is a fox talking to me"
ReplyDeleteand then maybe he starts laughing like he is losing it or crack a bit u kno
and u have the leaders just staring at him with all seriousness
and have then slap him with the harsh reality about what is really gonna go down
have them explain a bit more
and then u kno the scene in chapter 4 with suri?
he cuda then been like
"i always felt this connection but i didnt kno what it meant...now i understand everything"
u get me
but thats just me
i think it cud be more gripping..u have the layout in this scene just add a bit more to it..
The ending of the chapter was good, you left it on a cliffhanger!
ReplyDeleteHaving a suspenseful ending to the chapter was good after reading the slower starting and middle sections.
Very black and white, good versus evil. I hope things get a little dirtied with some subtle shades of gray. I must read on to find out.
ReplyDeleteI sense the seeds of conflict being planted concerning Arkain's beliefs and some of the White Coats. . . could be fun.
ReplyDeletenow, that's what I was talking about a few days ago. FINALLY some infos that we can start building our story from ^^ that was a good one, even tho it was all blabbering, but not to make it that boring you've put velis at the end. gooid choice that "you've acted on" ;)
ReplyDeleteThis one is a bit overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteI'll start with Arkain.
His development is going pretty well.
I'd like to compare him to eternal heroes of myth. Often faced with unbelievable odds and scenarios they are quick to accept and overcome crippling tasks.
This goes hand in hand with his acceptance of a position in the White Coats after hearing of the terror that the Shadow Regime will soon unleash.
I love his mentality.
This is what sets him apart from other heroes he is governed by himself. His choices; his actions. Whereas, most heroes do have their own choices but are governed by a higher power or ulterior motives.
Hayden seems like he is very professional, formal. Women see him as perfect but he seems as if he would not care too much.
Maybe, its too early to tell.
That's all I really have to comment on about characters.
The story is also slowing down as I would have expected, but this is necessary to give it depth.
This chapter does a good job of building up the war that is about to waged, and mankind is about to be caught right in the middle of it.
I'm enjoying the humor here and there to lighten the mood. Fallen's dialogue is still enjoyable. :]
I especially like how he compared what was happening to a real life comic book with real life consequences.
Goodbye, Mr. West?
(Why, Velis? Why?)
Some questions,
Will Arkain get through that wall?
Where is Gemma and what was she busy with?
What are the others like?
And finally, what is going to happen to his dad?
Good place to cut scene; you have the right feel for pacing. I like the fact that Arkain acted as a foil for what would have otherwise come off (at least initially) as groan-inducing fantasy-babble. "That sounds like a comic book." Good move.
ReplyDeleteeverything being told to arkain is so dramatic and basically mind altering; hes taking it so well! maybe if he was a little more skeptical, questioned it a bit more, it'd be a bit more 'real'. but i like the way everything was explained. ..and fallen's sassy responses<3
ReplyDeleteI love the way he explains his beliefs and is trying to be logical about the situation in stead of freaking out.
ReplyDelete!Finally read it :) and I don't know why i stopped! I'm impressed, Steven! Your imagination is wild
ReplyDeleteAhha, I can relate this to Naruto so well =)
ReplyDeleteI'm loving it! The new characters are amazing haha, I would relate myself to the white fox !
Yup, Fallen is my favorite! "Yes, I think that is what keeps this world in motion; we have the ability to make a choice.." around that part I could tell what you were doing there, putting your own beliefs into your writing "The boy is intelligent" haha :P
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Ovi, seemed as if you put your own beliefs into the story and it's a good twist on things. It's getting good and will want me to keep reading. I don't have much input other than it's a good story pushing me to read further.
ReplyDeletehahahahha I should have known you'd get all philosophical on me! I agree with what he said about choices and actions. That Shadow Regime sounds awesome! In a malicious and cool way. haha This was a great chapter!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. So Arkain is agnostic like me! A smart boy indeed, haha. He seems very accepting of this transcendental talk, which would be a little hard to swallow for most. He is a boy of conviction it seems (not a common trait you see everyday). Fallen is quirky character: A leader that has witty comebacks haha. The White Coats organization is not completely original in structure, however i like the characters that hold the reins of the group.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletelmao
ReplyDeletewhen he said he didnt believe in god they called him smart
i think those shadow fuckers were the voices in gemmas head this whole time
I don't know why but I'm picturing Arkain as you! Haha I really like how you keep switching scenes so your not bored with one and want to stop reading! Good technique! So far I see Fallen as someone who is there to guide him....we'll shall see...
ReplyDeletePhilosophy nooooooooooo! Arkain is being way too reasonable about all this. Was that really a good time to have a philosophical discussion? Something bad happened, the world may be at war soon, and he's discussing free will? I think he's choosing to be a White Coat a little too quickly. They say they're the good guys? They MUST be good. Talking foxes do not lie.
ReplyDeleteI love how Fallen answers all of Arkain questions. There's a name for that kind of character right? My favorite part though is Arkain stating that he doesn't believe in God and the rest of the characters deeming him intelligent for it. Also I just saw the previous comment and I'm inclined to agree: It seems that Arkain did believe this a little too quickly. I thought the imagery was good, even for a white room. I can imagine the characters. I would have liked to read the conversation between everyone in the white hall rather than have Arkain blank out.I thought that Arkain would be a little more surprised when Hayden and Amros disappeared from the room. After all he's new to this right?
ReplyDeleteI can finally say that I know who the White Coats and the Dark Regime are. Before I was a bit confused on who was who, but now it is a bit clear. It is interesting that Arkain is not really given straight answers, which seems like it is what he wants from them. This I think allows for them to continue plotting whatever it is they are plotting without putting too much on his plate at such an early stage.
ReplyDeleteMore characters introduced and now I'm just trying to keep everyone where they belong lol and trying to remember the names BUTTTTTT another good chapter really liked Arkain's opinion on God and his belief on actions and choices.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter got me excited because it shows how much "fantasy" elements are gonna be included in this story, which makes it all the more interesting :) I really like the way that you portray interactions between characters.
ReplyDelete