Velis walked into Roger's Pub wearing black pants, a white top, and a black coat. Her short blond hair gave her the appearance of a model. Her blues eyes made her irresistible. She walked up to the bar and sat down.
Roger
What can I get you, Velis?
Velis
Just a water Roger. I'm not in the drinking mood right now.
He went and got her water.
Roger
How you doing today, Velis? Not normal for you to be in a mood that does not enjoy a good beer.
Velis
I'm alright, just bored.
Roger
Bored? What are you looking for? You'd think you'd be happier in the army.
Velis
Can't say I wouldn't be.
Velis pulled out a cigarette and lit it.
Velis
I just need things to get a little exciting, that's all. Give a girl some excitement.
Roger
Relax, it will come sooner then you think I'm sure. I'd recommend a titty bar, but I don't think that's a place for you.
Velis
Let's hope it comes sooner than later.
Roger walked away to help another customer, as he did, a stranger attracted by Velis's smoking, walked up to the counter and leaned next to her.
Stranger
Don't you know smoking kills?
Velis
Well, maybe that is why I'm doing it. Buzz off.
Stranger
Nice answer and no. How about you,
He points at her.
Stranger
Come sit with me.
Velis
I'd rather not. Now please go away.
Stranger
I wasn't asking you.
Velis
Excuse me, sir?
Stranger
I said-
She turned to him .
Velis
No, I know what you said, but are you sure you want to do this?
Stranger
Just come sit, we'll have no problems. I'm just trying to get some.
Velis's cell phone rang.
Velis
Excuse me, I have to get this.
Stranger
I'll be waiting, sugar.
Velis got up and walked into the women's restroom, locked it, and answered her phone.
Velis
What is it, Malic?
Malic is an old friend of hers she hasn't spoken to in quite awhile.
Velis
You're lying! Please don't fuck with me!
There was a pounding at the locked door.
Stranger
Hey, hurry up, it's been 10 minutes!
She ignored the man.
Velis
It's been declared already? We have our green light?
Velis smiled.
Velis
Well then, I'll meet you there. You said the boys name is Arkain West?
Stranger
Come on sugar, I just want to have a drink with you. Do I have to bust this bitch down?
Velis
The White Coats have him? Alright, I'll meet you at his house. You can kill his dad; I don't feel like killing two people today.
Velis pulled out a small black handgun.
Velis
Oh, no one important. No one at all.
Four bullets went into the bathroom door. The stranger yelped and slouched dead against the door.
Velis
It's done. Just some annoying man I didn't want to listen to anymore. See you in ten minutes.
She opened the door and leaned down next to the man's body.
Velis
Told you. Didn't your parents ever teach you that you shouldn't mess with strangers? They just might be the last person you mess with.
She laughed and walked into the bar area where Roger was holding a shotgun to her.
Roger
Alright Velis, I don't want any problems. Just put your hands up! I've already called the police.
Velis
Roger, please put the gun down. You've been good to me, and I don't want to have to kill you.
She finished her water.
Velis
If you keep me here, I will wait for the police, kill them, kill you, then go to your house, kill your lovely wife you're always talking about, then your two little daughters you are so proud of. Would you like that, Roger? I'm not someone who lets things go. You kill my time, my patience, and I will kill you and all that has kept that smile on your face.
Roger was sweating now.
Velis
So what's it going to be, Rog?
Roger lowered the gun.
Velis
Good boy. I'll be back tomorrow for some drinks with friends. Make sure you clean that mess up by the bathroom door. My friends wouldn't be to happy with you if you didn't.
She walked to the door.
Velis
See you tomorrow. Oh, and I'll be in the drinking mood then.
She left. Roger's gun fell to the ground.
Roger
Shit.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
lolz funny ending
ReplyDeletewell wut Roger says
dang i forgot a lot of things
but i like how things keep transitioning
to the next chapters
real good writer Steven Morales
i wonder how hot velis really is...and who you'll get to play her.
ReplyDeleteVelis is such a badass.one of my favorite characters for sure!
ReplyDeletei like how you go from one scenario, to another, it keeps the attention of the reader, and doesn't let them get bored easily of one character.
ReplyDeleteVelis is sooo sure of herself. Conceited. Is she covering something up as to why she's so hard...? But i've always liked her being so... evil. & Roger. the poor man. and the stranger. what an idiot, he couldn't tell that velis was not interested at all. oh well. xP
ReplyDeleteVelis is evil.Haha
ReplyDeletesuper duper awesome!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletelol next for me chapter 3 lol
woooooo
this chapter was great i loved the way you tricked the reader, or at least me, into thinking the stranger was the bad guy and velis was the good guy (err girl)
ReplyDeleteDANG :|
ReplyDeleteSudden action im like Oh Snap LOL
I really like this chapter because you went to a completely different scene it keeps my attention but then you added parts that included the character from the first chapter. So know you kind of have my attention making me wonder what she has to do with them. I was reading how someone said they like how you made her seem like the good guy and first I like that a lot too.
ReplyDeleteI love how we only hear on half of the phone call it really keeps me on the edge of my seat guessing about what their saying :) Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteDamn Im afraid of her XD
ReplyDeletei can actually get into the characters...its really good!
ReplyDeleteThis story gets better and better. :]
ReplyDeleteI like Velis. The part about her having the go-ahead. I was the same way. am. will be.
ha ha ha i still agree with my old comment. I'm thinking scarlett johannson? ahahha onto chapter 3
ReplyDeleteI already am liking this Velis character, she seems pretty evil, pretty sexy, and also pretty badass. I always think its just as important to add depth to the antagonist as it is the hero of any story. I hope she plays an important part in the rest of the story. This is great so far, can't wait to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteHaha shes cool..when she shot that guy i was like oh crap ..soo not what i was expecting lol..and poor Roger i would have probably said the same at the end..
ReplyDeleteIs Velis have some kind of special powers??? Because that Roger scene actually made me laugh.
ReplyDeletei like the chaos and short tempers. it almost parallels real humans.
ReplyDeletei agree with nick and velis is pretty legit <3
ReplyDeleteNo, Roger! D:
ReplyDeleteVelis is pretty bad ass, though. I don't think I'd mess with her.
OMG!!! This is amazing!!!! This part reminded
ReplyDeleteme of something Quinten Tarentino, or however u spell his name, would make in one of his movies or something. Amazing.
I like the beginning when velis was asked about smoking and that it kills.... me also being a smoker i usually say something badass like everbody has their own vices or everyones gonna die sometime then she kills the stranger very badass
ReplyDeleteVelis seems like a badass with no regrets! i like her character already!
ReplyDeletei love how badass she seems
ReplyDeletei can just picture her awesome hotness
i deadass imagined a hot charlize theron playing her
i could so see it all
What i liked about this chapter is the portrayal of the velis and her introduction
i like how you transition and it leaves u wondering if she is bad guy or a good guy or a bit of both
but so far im liking velis :)
Velis is a badass!
ReplyDeleteI also like the choice of name for Arkain.
Its awesome. Totally cool.
ReplyDeletethough velius should have a catchier phrase to the dead guy. not so long.
and when she talks about killing his family he should look at a picture of them on the back of the bar. Like the look over the shoulder.
If she is an assassin or a merc or whatever. wouldn't a really hot like Mediterranean chick with long black silky hair, big black luscious eyes and a thin waist and hot hips. ya know. and possible a very tight thin red shirt.
oh and maybe roger should light up a cigarette afterwards...
Suggestions my good man
Poor Roger haha. I love how dark and intense, yet beautiful Velis is. You're afraid, but intrigued.
ReplyDeleteI love hot women with cold hearts and guns as villains.
ReplyDeletelol, that being a good one too, love girls replies.
ReplyDeletebut then again, I already feel the urge to know a bit more at this point (maybe that's what you want to achieve lol)
and I think if it was to be a manga page there should be a voice bubble coming from her cell phone with her friend asking "who else?" or sth before she replies that no one important
Velis, what can I say about her?
ReplyDeleteShe's very cool. Looks that could kill and skills that actually do.
It's interesting that she was able to intimidate Roger to the point that he would lower the shotgun and agree to clean everything up, even though, he obviously had the upper hand.
Her dialogue is great, coming off as bored at first, and then quickly becoming sinister. It gives her personality.
I'm curious to see what will happen when her and her associates find the, newly named, white coats with Arkain.
I feel the action on the horizon.
One question that I'm left with though?
ReplyDeleteIs she actually with the Army?
If not, who are her associates?
Well, that's two.
haha.
Ah, nothing piques the interest like a character whose innocent, beguiling exterior belies a ruthless, cold-blooded interior! I'm also interested to see if we find out the identity of the man she shot; he certainly seemed to be more than just some random schmuck. I like the fact that the story switches to another perspective early on; it helps to thicken the plot.
ReplyDeletek; this basically MADE this chapter: 'Roger, please put the gun down. You've been good to me, and I don't want to have to kill you. If you keep me here, I will wait for the police, kill them, kill you, then go to your house, kill your lovely wife you're always talking about then your two little daughters you are so proud of. Would you like that Roger? I'm not someone who lets things go. You kill my time, my patience, and I will kill you and all that has kept that smile on your face.'
ReplyDeleteHAHA SHES SO HOT.
First of all, I can't wait to read more about Velis, she's bad ass! I like the way chapter two jumped into a new scene but entirely connected to chapter one. To me, so far it is somewhat like reading a Dan Brown novel. You wont fully connect the dots until the very end. But, I could be wrong!
ReplyDeletei totally thought he was gunna be bad a guy from the way the scene went but then i was wrong. good job keep me on my toes
ReplyDeletethis chapter was great. i liked how velis automatically comes off as a bitch in the first few lines of dialogue. also i thought it was cool to have her kil someone so fast, it sets a nice pace.also your plot has already developed so much and u introduced the name of the good guys, the white coats, its amazing great job.
ReplyDeleteThe chapter was awesome. I liked it in every aspect. I'm loving the characters, and the way they are introduced. It seems as if my favorite so far is Arkain and least favorite is Velis. I hate bad guys hahaa.
ReplyDeleteStranger
ReplyDelete"Don't you know smoking kills?"
Velis
"Well, maybe that is why I'm doing it."
Love this!!!^ Velis can really talk. I love her attitude towards Roger; I'm going to shoot your place up then come back tomorrow for some drinks, so make it look pretty. She looks like she will create some interesting conflics in the future. Can't wait to read more.
Total bad ass haha. I love the part Larbear mentioned as well with the "Well, maybe that is why I'm doing it." It's getting good and as I said last chapter, it keeps me wanting more. I can't quite spot any errors but it is a different writings style I will admit that. It's a bit off of what I'm used to reading so it'll take some time to adapt :p But overall as I've said before, amazing story.
ReplyDeleteOooooh snap! Velis is a BA! And a hot Ba too ;) I'm enjoying how each chapter is about someone different. I'm looking forward to reading more about Velis. She doesn't Fuck around. lol
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletei am captivated
ReplyDeletethis is more of a movie than a book
good job
also as a busy dad, (not meaning to sound like a commercial) i enjoy that the chapters are short enough to read one in a minute or 2
that chick is gangster, and it shocked me when you said cell phone, i imagined this in another time
now its making more sense
Wow! Didn't see that coming! lol why do they want Arkain dead??!!! Can't wait to see the connections between the characters more clearly!!!! So far so so so good!
ReplyDeleteA hot killer? Nice touch. Giving the name of the people that took Arkain like that was awesome too. I loved the way Velis escaped from the bartender at the end without firing a shot; she just threatened to kill everyone Roger cares about. She isn't just capable of kill someone, she can destroy them.
ReplyDeleteWeird that I don't like Velis. I like evil, but Velis rubbed me the wrong way. Probably the smoking. Roger should have shot her mid-dialogue instead of waiting for the police. How convincing could her threats have been if she were holding her intestines in with one hand?
ReplyDeleteNice ending love how you connect chp 1 and 2! Velis is a thug reminds me of myself in a woman form LOL. No but good enjoyed this chapter gives a bit humor, suspense, action, and drama. Enjoying what chapter 2 sets up.
ReplyDeleteAlso Velis is a thug she says whats shes wants and sounds very sarcastic. +1
ReplyDeleteJust the presence that Velis demands when she walked into the bar and how these two people responded to her was something to picture and hope to see in a film. These two characters seem like they are going to be a hand-full for Arkain and anyone associated with him since I am not getting the greatest of vibes from their dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI had to reread the end of the last chapter to see if i missed something. The introduction to the new characters was a cool twist. i like Velis, shes a badass, totally didnt expect her to kill the guy like that but it adds to her strong and cold character, as of now. I like how you tied it in at the end with the first chapter
ReplyDeleteOkay well obviously Velis isn't gonna be one of the "good" characters... but I love her anyway! I like that you made a short, seemingly-unimportant scene very interesting.
ReplyDelete