Monday, March 23, 2009

Chapter Four: Power and Puzzles

Arkain walked through the wall only to run into a young girl about his age.
Arkain
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.
Her name is Suri. She is 19, and has black hair and blue eyes.
Suri
It’s fine. You must be Arkain.
Fallen
This is Suri, Arkain.
They shook hands.
Arkain
So are you a part of this operation?
Suri
That’s why I’m here.
She winked.
Arkain
Sorry, stupid question.
Suri
We all have them.
She laughed.
Fallen
Suri.
Fallen rubbed against her leg.
Fallen
I think you should show Arkain around.
Suri
I’d love too.
Fallen
Splendid! So then I’ll see you both in a little.
Arkain
What about Gemma?
Fallen
She’s busy. Don't you listen?
He walked through the wall.
Arkain
I'm getting real tired of this walking through wall shit.

Suri
Come on.
She grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall.
Suri
So, you are in with us, what a quick decision.
He could not stop looking at her face.
Arkain
Well, since I was born, I’ve always had these dreams telling me I’m destined for something more than ordinary. Every day of my life I've felt a connection to the sky. I could feel the stars, so I just never thought of myself as ordinary. Plus my friend is in danger, and that's enough reason for me to get myself involved in trouble.
She turned to him.
Suri
That's very kind of you. What would you say is ordinary?
Arkain
Not this. None of this.
She walked in front of him and turned around.
Suri
So what’s your power?
Arkain
Power?
Suri
Yeah, you have to have some kind of power to be in this position.
Arkain
I don’t have one. At least I don't think I do. What’s yours?
Suri
Shake my hand.
He took her hand.
Arkain
I don’t see how-
Arkain yelped in pain.

Hayden
Hello, Gemma.

Gemma sat at a table in an all white room across from Hayden.
Gemma
Hello, sir.
Hayden
You may call me-

Gemma
I know your name.
Hayden
How do you know my name, Gemma?

Gemma
Krysin told me.
Hayden
Who is this being you speak of?
 
Gemma
He is me.
Hayden
But you are Gemma, are you not?

Gemma
I am.
Hayden
How can you be Krysin, as well?
 
Gemma
Who I am is made up of two parts. You’ve done a puzzle before, sir. I’m sure you know that a puzzle has many pieces, yet at the end is one whole part.
Hayden
You aren’t a puzzle Gemma.
 
Gemma
So you’ve figured me out then?
Hayden
No, I’m afraid not. I cannot tell if you're a threat to my organization or not.
 
Gemma
So, then I am a puzzle. If you were to simply put me together in one look I’d be as plain as a picture. Seeing that you haven’t, I must be a puzzle to you.
Hayden
You are quite the intellectual.
 
Gemma
My intelligence far surpasses my age.
Hayden
Do you know who Krysin is?

Gemma
He is me.
Hayden
Can I talk to him?
 
Gemma
He is sleeping.
Hayden
Can you wake him?
 
Gemma looked at the wall to her right.
Gemma
If you want to die, yes I could.
Hayden
I do.
 
Gemma looked quickly back at Hayden.
Hayden
I am not afraid of death. I am in here speaking to you only because you can’t kill me.
 
Gemma
Krysin will kill you if he wakes.
Hayden stood up
Hayden
No he will not. I am not human either. It looks like he failed to mention that.
 
Gemma
He said you’d be a threat. He didn't say why.
Hayden
Why do you say him if you are one.

Gemma
Together we are one, alone we are none.
Hayden
Who are you more?
 
Gemma
Me. I am in control.
Hayden
Can you work with us, Gemma?
 
Gemma
In your war?
Hayden
You can say that.
 
Gemma
Can you help me in mine?
Hayden
Your war?
 
Gemma
As your good and evil parade around the world, as humanity runs in chaos, you’d want me to contribute to that? All that while no one helps in the war in my head, in my mind. No thank you.
Hayden
I take it back, you are a puzzle. In due time though, I will rip you from yourself.
 
Gemma
I will wait for its due time.

38 comments:

  1. haha its like a movie

    I was laughing when Arkain grabbed
    Suri's hand lolz
    n then it moved to a different
    scene

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  2. blue eyes&green eyes.how pretty. haha random. and i just noticed the immediate chemisty between arkain and suri. mhmm. =)
    and poor, poor gemma. i hope somebody helps her in the chaos deep inside of her head with krysin. but ah. i forgot what happens next. i might be wrong. :P

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  3. the gemma storyline is getting really intereseting

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  4. I love the way Gemma acts and talks. Great character.

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  5. I think the chemistry between Suri and Arkain is good. I feel like Gemma tries to confuse people with her intelligence and I like that. I am still really interested to see how shes going to unfold in the story as well as Arkain.

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  6. I think this chapter is perfect the way it is, aside from Suri. I think we need just a bit more description when we first see her. How long is her hair? How tall is she? etc... :)

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  7. i really really like gemma's character! she creeps me out. and my favorite line is "together we are one, alone we are none"

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  8. love how her alter personality is a male..interesting

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  9. Love the part about the war within...

    I know exactly how Gemma feels.

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  10. Love Gemma, although she sounds a bit pretentious lol.

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  11. marco is right she does sound a little pretentious haha. suri's description sounds strangely like...

    megan fox.

    hahahaha

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  12. Suri reminds me more of Zooey Deschanel more than Megan Fox. She seems like she's both classy, intelligent, and flirtacious. as is Zooey :) I love how Gemma relates herself to a puzzle, and how her other half is male and is such a contrast to the personality she reveals as herself. Like Arkain I feel like I am destined for something more than the ordinary life, although whatever destiny i fall into probably won't be quite as magical and exciting as his journey seems like its going to be! :)

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  13. You can tell that Arkain and Suri have a connection i like that..and poor Gemma i could just imagine what she goes thru..i feel for her...

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  14. poor little gemma. i feel so bad for her. i liked how she says she is a puzzle

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  15. gemma and arkain are pretty intelligent. and i see you gave arkains age now. the way i read is i try not to think ahead of the story and ruin any surprises the author might have. so i hope this type of reading will help

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  16. i like gemma, she reminds me of shannon from invisible monsters.

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  17. Wait what is suri's power!? Omg did I miss something!?
    What can she do!?!?!?! :0
    I like this chapter because it shows more of gemma's side
    and who she really is.

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  18. Gemma is turning out to be a very good character, especially since this story is mostly themed around chaos, seeing the chaos in her mind is a very good parallel.

    i think is would good to add a little more dialogue explaining more about arkains connection to the stars and his dreams, having it all in one response feels a little like he had planned it out instead of just a conversation with a girl. it feels a little forced.

    over all i like this chapter, especially the quick scene change (=

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  19. Im really enjoying gemma's story line

    i find her to be quite an enjoyable character

    like she makes me want to listen

    she annoys me with her intellectual talk but its not a bad thing

    its like "who and what the hell are u?"

    i cant wait to find out even more about her...

    also the part where arkain speaks about how he always felt destined for something more...maybe it coulda been put in the scene of chapter 3 when he first meets with amros and hayden. cuz i didnt understand why he was so calm and okay with just being brought there and accepting everything so easily.

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  20. I like how Suri's power is still unclear, but at the same time, powers have been introduced.

    I also like Gemma's dialogue where she refers to herself as a puzzle. That part was also well done!

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  21. I love Gemma's comment toward the end, "As your good and evil parades around the world..." Love the hint of subjectivity it lends to good and evil! Who (what) is Gemma? I like it.

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  22. *scratches head* well, can't say it wasn't good either. but as the last chap finished with valis wanting to talk to someone it should've continued from then on, but oh well... at least we know a lil bit more, tho it's split into pieces way too much. I mean, if you start throwing infos at us you shouldn't cut it in the middle, ya know it's irritating and for long run some tends to throw away reading cause it's too annoying.

    I'm an exaple of such person, so I hope this right now is just to build up mood, and hasn't become your habit so far. and one more thing: at the beginning you should've done it in a way reader could enjoy getting to know stuff, and not make him dive into a mess, like there's valis knocking at someone's door, but no, we're back to arcain and it seems he's got some powers but how do we obtain them? but nooooo gemma's being questioned, like interrogation or sth etc. you know what I mean?

    all in all I personally didn't like it, it's a hollow chapter

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  23. I love the continuous dialogue in this chapter.

    "Suri
    So, you are in with us, what a quick decision."
    This is connected to my previous comment on Arkain and his hasty decision.
    I'm excited to see what Arkain can do.

    Earlier, I was thinking Gemma and Arkain. Now, it seems more like Arkain and Suri. She was pretty quick to grab his hand and parade him down the hall.

    I want to see where this is going with Gemma. Her character is very, very interesting. Is it two minds in one body? Krysin seems very angry and definitely seems more powerful.
    Is he going to overshadow her?

    I'm very attracted to Hayden's character, not in a physical sense. He has an upped cool factor. He must be extremely powerful to be leading the White Coats. I want to see exactly what his power is.


    Currently on my mind:
    Will Hayden be able to put together the puzzle that is Gemma?

    What is going to happen to Suri and Arkain? Is it love?

    What's up with the hands, man?

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  24. Suri's power is kinda unclear but i lol'd and am curious to see what shes like in battle. as for gemma, i absolutely adore her intellect. the way she speaks and explains is so intriguing, i reeally enjoy her metaphoric way of acting. shes such a curious character, good or evil, who knows. i cant wait to see how she turns out.

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  25. Gemmas powers are something the haven't seen before and there afraid of her it seems. suri sounds like some competition for gemma. Im wondering what power arkain will discover. there seems to be a lot different and unique powers.

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  26. I really like this !!!! I haven't read anything better than this in a while! This is truly amazing. Can't wait for all the pictures/graphics to come out :D

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  27. I'm loving Gemma more and more.. This is getting good Steven, keep up the great work.

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  28. hahahaha damn! That was intense! The war within her mind, and the puzzle talk almost got me puzzled. lol

    And powers?! YES!!!! I can't wait for Arkain's power. This is exciting!

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  29. Hayden and Gemma seem antagonistic. That feeling may just wear off as the story progresses but I am thinking that this relationship is going to end in a power struggle within the White Coats. Keep me guessing, Steve ;)

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  31. nice. I like the simultaneous multiple scenes. The one from Arkain and Suri to Hayden and Gemma, brilliant.

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  32. lmao he just yelped then wasnt heard from again
    hahahahahaha

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  33. So krysin was that voice that said " kill him" okay, okay, I think I could see a love connection starting! And I love that you added magical powers and gave fallen some animal qualities (other than being a fox) even tho he acts human!

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  34. Once again, Arkain is not really being told anything thus far so it allows for growth and mystery whenever he is in dialogue with someone else.

    Gemma is something else, in a sense that she is this young child and has the mentality of someone that already knows what the world has in store for everyone before it even happens. Makes me wonder what it is that is going on in her head. Curious to find out more about this war in her head.

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  35. Interesting to see how everything is being slowly revealed. I wonder how the characters feel? Also, wish the environment was more known...but again I am probably 2 steps ahead of myself on this. Sorry.

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  36. Suri's character comes in at a good point for Arkain. Loved this line "Together we are one, alone we are none". I'm really anxious to know more about what Gemma talks about.

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  37. I really love all of the clever one-liners! "Together we are one, alone we are none" is my favorite. And I'm very interested in Gemma's character; this chapter makes me wanna know more about her.

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